Friday, February 18, 2011

I am not as hardcore as you.

Lost: Mental toughness
If found, please return to Uberlibrarian.

Wednesday night I was hit quite suddenly with a stomach thing. It was comparable to that point in labor with my first child, when I hadn't slept for 2 days, and felt like I was going to throw up and die at the same time (just before the epidural). Geez. I don't know what hit me, but it lasted about 24 hours.

Well, I had a run scheduled on Thursday. I was not going to miss a run, I mean, I only get 3 a week. So, I made it up today.

That was a sucky run. I guess every run can't be amazing.

I went to the track, thinking I would do 4 miles. By the time I got there, I had changed it to 3. By the time I hit 1 mile, I prayed to just make it to 2.

I felt like I was wearing ankle weights.

I managed my 2 miles in 20:30 (with one walk break). I think if I had the mental focus, I would have been able to do it, but I was just not with it. I couldn't get past the little aches. I haven't updated my playlist in weeks. People at the track are rude. I miss my kids. I still feel nauseous.

I've read running blogs where the author says, "I threw up after 2 miles, and could barely stand up, but went ahead and ran 10 more miles in 50 minutes.." Well, I'm not that hardcore.

I saw an infomercial today where a lady said she had a baby 5 months ago, then showed her fabulous toned abs. Well, I had a baby 5 months ago, and I'm about 15 pounds over where I want to be. And NO ONE is looking at my abs anytime soon.

If I had the focus... the MENTAL TOUGHNESS... I could probably be there right now. If I had the DISCIPLINE to eat only the right things... to ignore when my husband brings home pie and ice cream for family treat... I might be there. But I'm not.

I'm just not that hardcore.

But you know what? My kids are loved. I'm pretty sure they know they're loved. Hopefully, that matters more. I can still set and reach goals if I'm a size 10. But I need to accept that having the body I want and eating the way I eat just don't go together...

I'm working on it...


P.S. I registered for the Nashville Women's Half Marathon today. Surely by September I'll be running 13.1 daily, right? :-)

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