Uberlibrariana


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Parenting: A Love Letter to My Children


Today I want to talk a little about being a parent.

Before I had kids, I dreamed of having them for many years. I certified in prenatal yoga and fitness, so I felt totally ready to be pregnant. Whenever I saw a baby, my uterus hurt. I wondered for a few years if I had missed my chance, since I had waited until my 30s.

I had absolutely no idea what it would be like to be a parent.

In January 2007 I found out I was pregnant. I was surprised in a way, because I’d almost given up. In April, I found out I was having a boy, and suddenly it became real. And scary. I had no idea how to be a mom of a boy.

But then, I fell in love with him. And, as he grew, and went through the stages, and really did turn into a crazy boy (he’s 3 now), I loved him more every day, even when he drove me insane. I look at this child sometimes and feel my heart breaking because I love him so much (and I realize that may sound strange).

I had the urge to have more kids, and I wondered if it would happen Again, I thought I may have waited too long. But, at age 35, I found out baby number 2 was on the way. Oh, and this one had all that “Advanced Maternal Age” stigma attached to it. I worried and worried, but had another problem free pregnancy… I found out a girl was on her way, and felt like my dreams had come true.

So here I am, the mother of 2 children, and I feel incredibly blessed, but also incredibly responsible. Some days, I think, “What on earth am I doing with 2 kids? Who decided I deserved that kind of responsibility?”

But (and here’s where I come back to fitness), I am determined to teach them. As a child, I was terrified of exercise. Both my parents smoked, and as a musician, my “sport” was practicing piano. I remember the issues I had as a young girl… self-esteem, eating disorders, body image… and I am determined to do what I have to to keep my children from feeling that way. Well, I know I can’t protect them from everything, but I can give them the tools and the confidence to deal with it.

One of my favorite days so far was when I took my son with me to the Borodash on Thanksgiving 2010. Our family friend was there to watch him while I did the race, and he was at the finish line saying, “Go Mommy!” He still talks about “Mommy, you took me to a race!”. I want both of them to watch Mommy set goals, and achieve them, and know that they are truly capable of anything.

So, I admit that I do these things selfishly. I love races. I love working out. I love losing weight and looking good. But, really, in my heart of hearts, I hope that what I’m doing is teaching my children to strive for more.

So, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing.

Kids, Mommy loves you!

Find me on Facebook!

(Originally published 1/20/2011)

No comments: