Who
would have thought that, 16 weeks pregnant, I would rediscover a love
affair with my ex, Running. Well, to be honest, I think removing some of
the high expectations I put on myself when I was running regularly has
helped. I'm doing a 0-5K plan and allowing myself to repeat as many
weeks as I feel like... but I'm enjoying it, and really think I can keep
doing it until the end (although I'm sure it makes people uncomfortable
to see a pregnant woman running. Too bad.)
Yesterday
when I dropped my son off at school, I picked him up. His teacher was
horrified and said, "You need to be careful in your condition." I tried
to explain that I am hardly a delicate flower, but I just gave up and
laughed about it later when I squatted 65 pounds (which is lower than I
used to. I mean, I'm cutting back. I'm a delicate flower, remember?)
I
did pretty well with eating and I even lost a few pounds according to
the scale at the gym, putting my total weight gain so far at 16 pounds
(Yay! A pound a week!) But last night, I had a complete out of control
stress induced binge. It was awful. My kids were stressing me out. I
knew they were stressing me out. I just went with it and stuffed food in
my face. Then, I kept waking up during the night feeling guilty. Yuck.
So today, I'm working on doing better.
Tard the Grumpy Cat is my soul mate these days. I am the grumpiest pregnant woman ever, so I just can't get enough.
Anyway,
I'm running, I'm tracking WW (like) points ("Poor Girl's Weight
Watchers"). I'm lifting weights. I'm parenting. I have headaches. Surely
the time between now and the birth of 3.0 will just fly by, right? And
hopefully by then I will have figured out how to fit 3 carseats in my
P.T. Cruiser.
When I was pregnant with my son and had fantasies about what parenting would be like, I imagined doing cute crafts and projects with my kids and being the best mother ever. I had no idea how challenging it would be, and I kind of forgot how bad I was at anything artistic or creative.
(I also tried to learn how to knit during this time, which was hilarious).
Anyway, a few days ago my son saw a picture of some Christmas truffles on the cover of All You magazine (which I subscribe to but rarely read... all part of my fantasy about how crafty I'll be one day). He has been begging for days to make "Christmas Cookies". So I got the stuff at the store Wednesday to make "My version" of Christmas cookies (because I forgot to bring the recipe).
Magically, they turned out pretty cute:
See? Kind of crafty..
Look how happy he is!
However, there was extra batter, so I made some mini-muffins and one miniature cake. Then on Thursday, I ate them for breakfast. Then I had several of these cupcakes. So, by the time we got to Thanksgiving dinner, I had exceeded my calories for the week, I think.
I also have had ZERO success working out at home since Wednesday. No workout Wednesday (but my husband and I went to see "Skyfall". Which made me want to work out and be prettier.) No workout Thursday.
So, let's try for Friday. It's going to involve help from my husband in herding the children away from me for about an hour. We'll see how that goes. Also, I figured since we moved into this house on August 13 and today is November 23, maybe it's time to finally finish unpacking. Maybe. I have lofty goals for today.
So we've hit week 15. It's finally getting a little less embarrassing when people notice my belly. It's not just fat, bloating, or gas. It's my humongous uterus. My uterus that has pretty much given up, like a balloon that has already been blown up twice.
I have been in a rut. I've talked about it. I've shared. There are things going on. But, I'm determined to get control over my life. And, I must admit, Fat Betty Francis helped a little.
In the episode "Dark Shadows", we see that Betty has joined Weight Watchers. However, she's still kind of a terrible person. But she seems to be getting a hold of herself. She has a run in with her ex husband's current, young, skinny wife, and then goes home and shoots whipped cream in her mouth. BUT, here's the thing- she spits it out AND rinses out her mouth. I was so proud of her at that moment. I've been there (I don't usually spit it out though. I get caught up in the moment and then feel nauseous regret later. So, good for her!)
Of course, she's still using her children to manipulate and do all kinds of mean things, but the point is: She is struggling with using food as a crutch, and she's winning. Maybe I can too..
I made a decision that I'm going to follow a variation of Weight Watchers. This is not a weight loss plan. This is a "everything in moderation no crazy pregnant candy or cookie binges" plan. When I last did weight watchers, my points were at 22. So, I've set them at 32 (I did some research on this). Now, imagine my shock when I discovered that my current favorite, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a whopping 6 points, and a tall salted caramel mocha is 5 points... It was a wake up call. So, I feel good about this decision, logging my food but not being too restrictive.
I will always love you.
Plus, I'm changing my workout goals. I didn't workout again all weekend. It's really hard with my kids around, and I have to admit, I didn't have the motivation to go through the struggle. But I managed to get up this morning and do a 30 minute Turbofire workout. I realize at this point, I'm not going to have abs, or my beautiful toned arms of which I was so proud... but you know what? I'm in a much better mood when I workout. So EVERYONE WINS.
I'm also going to lift Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Hopefully it will be a bit easier since it's a holiday weekend. Even if a normally 45 minute workout takes me 2 hours because SOMEONE wants milk and SOMEONE pooped on the floor... it's better than nothing, right?
So I finally got the call about the test results. Actually, I called them and asked for them to call me back. I was really REALLY tired of waiting. Did I mention I was tired of waiting?
Anyway, the nurse called me back and told me they had not gotten the results yet so she called and they sent them. So I guess it pays to be annoying.
She said the baby tested NEGATIVE for all Trisomies, which is EXCELLENT. That was the part that worried me the most.
I said, "Can you tell me the gender?"
She said, "Okay, you want to know? It's here..."
"Yes, I want to know!"
"Okay... y chromosome.... It's a boy!"
Yay! So I text my husband, and all the family, then post on Facebook....
About 10 minutes later, she calls back:
"Sarah, I read it wrong. It's actually a GIRL!"
After I laughed a lot and asked her to double and triple check, I was satisfied that yes, it's a girl.
Okay, so there are some things I *do* care about. What happens on Once Upon a Time. The current Phillipa Gregory book I'm reading. Money. Budgeting. Paying bills.
But right now at the top of the list of "Things I don't care about": Fitness.
I was sick this week. Not just "pregnant" sick, but I'm sure that contributed. I took Thursday off sick. I had Friday off anyway and spent most of the day in bed. The last time I worked out was Wednesday, November 7.
I did well working out on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. But here's the thing: I finish my workout and I think, "What's the point? I'm not going to see any progress. I'm not going to get stronger. I'm not going to lose weight. Who cares?"
I couldn't even motivate myself to do an "endorphin raising" workout like Turbofire. It's sad.
And the eating. I'm not gorging myself on Cheez Its anymore, but I have had a couple of bad nights with some leftover Halloween candy. And also one of the only things I want to eat are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
It's always peanut butter jelly time in my world.
To be honest, I think there may be some depression involved. I'm waiting for test results STILL and it's driving me a little crazy. I'm concerned about how I'm going to parent 3 kids. I don't even think I can fit 3 car seats in my PT Cruiser. And I'm in that weird stage where I keep forgetting I'm pregnant. I'm not sick anymore, but I can't feel the baby. Can't forget that I'm fat, however. That reminder is always there. However, it's just not enough to make me care too much. I just stare at myself in the mirror and cry a little.
When I came here in August and started a new job, I didn't think I would be sick for 5 weeks. I'm thankful I'm not nauseous anymore, but I still feel like I'm not doing enough.
So, I'm eating badly and completely aware that it's probably due to stress and emotion. I'm drinking my allowed TWO Via a day. And I don't know what I'm going to do about the workouts. I'm thinking I may just do whatever's fun for a week. Whatever feels like fun at the time, just to get my mood up.
Last night I watched the episode of Mad Men (Spoiler if you haven't seen Season 5) where Betty Draper Francis realizes she is fat. And at the end of the episode, she eats a Sundae, and then finishes her daughter's Sundae as well. I totally get this. I'm in that stage of "Well, I want to change, but what's the point?"
Not sure what I'm going to do about all this, but I'm just putting it out there. I feel silly having a page called "Sarah Fitness" when I can't even keep myself motivated.
I'm comforted by the fact that I was able to lose the weight and get into the "best shape of my life" twice after giving birth, so hopefully I'll be able to do it again. But for now, I don't know......
So, I'm still feeling a lot less nauseous, and for that I am extremely grateful. In fact, I've made multiple promises to people who probably don't care that I will NEVER AGAIN take feeling NOT nauseous for granted. (If I had to diagram that sentence, it would be horrible).
I went to my 12 week appointment last Wednesday (on Halloween), and was given my choice of prenatal tests:
The standard Nuchal Translucency scan, which involves a sonogram and a blood test. It's a screening, so it would just tell me my chances that something might be up with the baby (Downs or other Trisomies). If that were the case, I would have to have more invasive testing, like an amnio or something equally horrible I imagine.
or
MaterniT21 test: This test involves them taking blood (lots of blood, as it turns out) and doing the analysis from that. From what my doctor said, though, it is NOT just a screen, it is actually a diagnostic test. Also, it can tell you gender, and I'm the kind of person who can't wait at ALL so I want to find that out as soon as possible.
I chose the MaterniT21. And now, I have to wait "about a week". Wow. Waiting is the suck. Yes, I'm curious about the gender, but of course, I'm *really* wondering about the other issues. Even when I get the results, I suppose there could be things going on with the baby that we won't know about until the anatomy scan, some time around 20 weeks.
So I wait. While waiting, I'm trying to keep my mind off of the fact that I'm waiting. That's working out about as well as you might think.
In other news, I'm doing Body Beast workouts for weights, and running. Yes, running. Something strange happened: I started to like running again. Pregnant. I mean, really? Anyway, no pressure. I'm running with walk breaks, usually only about 2 miles. It's just enough to calm my nerves and hopefully slow down the colossal weight gain (I've gained almost 20 pounds in 2 months).
