This is your life...

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"

Source

I've been going through some stuff. Stuck in a dead end job. Looking for a new one. Feeling frustrated. Needing change.

In my life, I've had the following jobs:
Piano teacher
Preschool music teacher
Church pianist
Accompanist
Graduate assistant
Graduate student
Teaching assistant
Yoga Instructor
Adjunct professor
Group Exercise Coordinator
Gym manager
Group Exercise Instructor
Personal Trainer
Librarian

(I have also waited tables, but I was just awful at that, so I don't count it... much...)

So, it took me a while to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I love being a librarian, but I'm not very valued at my current job. I don't make as much money as the national standard for librarians with two master's degrees.
I loved being a group exercise coordinator, but it wasn't enough money to do just that.
I love teaching group exercise, but can't do it 40 hours a week.

So, I'm thinking, with all these different skills I have, I should be able to do what I love AND feed my family (and maybe even consider paying off the student loan I accrued getting all these skills...)

I would call the place I am now *uncomfortable*. I'm "in between". I don't like it. I'm a control freak. I like to know exactly what I'm going to be doing, when I'm going to be doing it.

But I finished my workout today and was walking back to my office. The song "This is your life" came on.
Here's the song if you don't know it:




And you know, I got a little emotional. The words got to me:

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"

It is. It *is* my life. I don't get another chance. Is this who I want to be?

Part of me feels really lost, but part of me kind of knows who I want to be.

I want to be someone who is remembered for helping other people.
I want to be remembered for making them laugh, making them feel happier, making them feel they can do anything.
I want to be kind. I want to see good in people.
I want to show people they are capable of things they never thought they could do.

So, I know what the right choice is. Is it the choice that's going to make me rich? Probably not. Is it going to mean I might have to have a "job" as well as a "vocation"? Maybe.

But I only have one chance. I'm 38 years old and it's time to decide.