And God laughed....

I have been a little quiet lately. Hopefully someone noticed. It would be a little sad if I came in and said, "I'm sorry I've been so quiet" and everyone went, "Wait? You were gone? I had no idea..."



Anyway, life has thrown me a little bit of a curve ball.

Remember how this summer I was in absolutely great shape. I actually would venture to say I was in the "Best Shape of My Life" (and I think I did, which was one way to tempt fate a little).

"I am in the best shape of my life! Look at the delt veins!"

"Woohoo! I'm looking good!"

Then I started the Whole30 and CrossFit. I was on top of the world. New job, new town, new way of eating, new workouts....

Well, I got a little surprise....

Apparently, God thought it was hilarious how I had everything planned out. It was especially hilarious how we gave away EVERYTHING that had anything to do with babies when we moved from Tennessee to Texas this summer.

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I don't want to make a huge big announcement. It took me a little while to get used to the fact that my body was going to basically belong to someone else for nine months again, and that I will be a mother to THREE children. But, I do feel like it explains some of my lack of posting.

Here are some of the things that have been going on:
- Nausea. I'm not one of those ladies who loses 10 pounds in the first trimester. I get the kind of nausea that only eating crap can fix. So I've been eating crap for a month, and have gained 10 pounds.
- Tired. I can't believe I'm about to say it, but I have absolutely no interest in working out. None. I gave it a good effort for a while, but for the past 2 weeks or so, I'm really having to push it. If it comes to a choice between sleeping and working out, I'm sleeping.

So my new  goals are:
- Survive until May 13-ish, and then probably never sleep again.
- Gain less than 40 pounds.
- Get back to a more regular workout schedule sometime in the next few weeks.
- Keep going to CrossFit twice a week
- Get that diet under control once the nausea stops demanding I eat CheezIts all the time.

Every pregnancy I try to do a little better. So, maybe this will be the one where I finally get it perfect, right?

(*I should add that once I got over the initial shock, in all seriousness, I am quite happy. Every baby is a blessing, even the ones who were the surprise of your life...)

My Very First CrossFit Competition

Saturday, September 29 was the SeaCity CrossFit September Smackdown. Considering September 3 was the first time I ever actually went to CrossFit, it seemed like a great idea to go ahead and enter a contest.

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Honestly, I was assured there was a place for beginners, and sure enough there was.

We were divided into beginner, intermediate and advanced. Coach Tim sent us specific guidelines so that we would know where we belonged. The guidelines for beginners was this:

Beginner – I scale most if not all the wods.

I can push press 65/50#
I can step-up or jump on an 18” box
I can swing a 35/26# kettlebell

Well, I got this. Sign me up for beginner level!




They divided us into multiple heats. I went in the first heat of the day. Each athlete (I love how they kept referring to us as "athletes". Take that, middle school gym teacher!) was paired with a judge. The judge would count your reps with you and tell you if it was a "no-rep" (it didn't count). My judge was a super nice guy named Xavier who is a CrossFit coach at another box.

We had 2 WODs.

Beginner WOD 1:

Stationary lunges 8 each leg (alternate)
Push Press 50 pounds 8 times
Jump or step up on 18" box 8 times

AMRAP in 10 minutes.

We did a few practice moves with our judge before the timer started to make sure we had it down. Sadly, I could *not* do an 18 inch box jump. I tried. It was sad. But, luckily, I could step up instead. That I can do.

Lungin'

One Push Press at 50# is cake. 40+? Um...

 (I think that's the face my kids see when they're in trouble)


I felt really good about WOD #1. However, once the timer went off, we had 5 minutes to rest before WOD #2. WOD #2 was MAX BURPEES IN 2.5 MINUTES!

Mid-Burpee

I hate burpees. A lot. And I was already tired. But, dang it, I was going to BRING IT. I decided I would do 10 at a time as a psychological game for myself. I ended up with 30 BURPEES! Holy cow! I didn't know I could do 30 burpees in a row EVER.

What my legs looked like when I was done.

After that, I was done. I had brought a babysitter and my children and envisioned a lovely day with my children getting inspired to pursue a lifetime of fitness..... well, it may not  have gone as planned, but they seemed to enjoy themselves...

My daughter doing her own burpees

Then she somehow became a ninja

My son shows off his muscles.

Playing with wall balls.

 Watching the other groups do their WODs was inspiring. The intermediate women were CRAZY. Their first WOD included burpee box jumps (!!!!) and crazy kipping pull ups. Their second WOD was 10 minutes to work up to their Clean and Press ONE REP MAX. It was inspiring to watch these ladies lift such heavy weights overhead. I definitely have some new goals.

The advanced men was a small, elite group of CrossFit coaches who had to run 800 m (about a half a mile), do 12-9-6 of some crazy stuff including muscle ups and double unders, then run 800 m AGAIN. Holy cow.

I waited the whole day, mostly because I wanted to see the other groups compete, but also because I was a little curious to see if I placed. It was silly to expect to place in my first competition, and when they announced the top 3 and I *wasn't* there, I wasn't surprised.

However, later they posted the complete results and I was shocked to see that I was FOURTH in my group!

When I arrived at the 5AM WOD Monday morning, Coach Tim came up to me and congratulated me on a great job. He said I was first in my heat, and that he was really impressed with how well I did. He also gave me some surprise swag: A bracelet, WODShop Coupon, and a jumprope (so I can practice double unders... she said with irony). I was really moved.

My surprise swag

Overall, I'm very proud and excited that I chose to participate. I had a great time, and I was inspired by what people can do. The support I received was amazing and is going a long way towards healing my PTSD from middle school P.E. class.

Once Upon A Time...

I had a blog. I loved to write in my blog.

Then, I got a new job, and moved 2 kids, 1 cat, and a husband over 1000 miles.

Then we got to our new house, which is a beautiful house on the beach, but found that we still had to actually put all our stuff away.

So, yeah, sitting and writing in my blog seemed like such a luxury.

But, I've completed my first week at work. I've got an *almost* functional house (although, I don't think I'll be posting any pics of it on Pinterest any time soon), and I'm ready to get back on track.

If I told you how I've eaten this past month, you would shake your head in shame. I'm not proud. But, like I said before, my goals shifted from "diet and be healthy" to "survive".

One of the exciting things I have planned is to do a Whole 30, starting tomorrow.

What's a Whole 30? Well, take a look over here at the Whole 9 website:



Basically, for 30 days I'll eat very very clean, healthy, whole food. No processed food, no dairy (yes, coffee withOUT cream. It is going to be tragic).

But the reason I'm doing it is not to lose weight. The main reason is to get healthier. Maybe see my skin improve. Some of the digestive issues I have may go away. But basically, I just want to try it.

So, I'll do my best to document it here. I know, I know, I've promised this before. But it's my goal. One day at a time.

One of the things the creators of the program suggest you do is take pictures to document. For example, a lot of people notice improvements in their skin, so it's suggested that you take a Day 1 pic. So, here's me at the gym today (but actually I guess that would be Day 0).

And I could not look more excited...

I'm ready, and I've got a friend who's an old pro who'll be doing it with me (you should check out her blog, by the way. She rocks.)

So, here we go. Is this thing on?

Happy Birthday, Awesomeday!

A little over a year ago, a friend of mine posted a Facebook status that read: "Today is so awesome it should be called Awesomeday!" Sometime after that, I stole the word "Awesomeday" from her and decided to make an entire day where every status I wrote had to be a "Thing that is awesome". I did this to have a day of positive things, of looking on the bright side, and a day where I was just not allowed to whine.

I know I created the Facebook page a few Awesomedays into it, but I'm not sure how many. But I looked at our page today and saw that the page was created on May 4, 2011. Awesomeday had a birthday and I missed it!

Since it started, I've seen it spread. There are almost 300 folks on the page (hoping to surpass that soon), but what's really neat is seeing people post their "Things that are awesome" status updates every Wednesday.

There have been Wednesdays that come along where I'm really NOT in the mood. I am grumpy. I want to complain. But I remember my rule, and I'm forced to count my blessings. Awesomeday has saved my mood more than once.

So, happy birthday, Awesomeday! Here's to many more!

Running and Me: On a Break.

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I made a decision. I've decided to just stop running.

I have fought with running for years. It's never been easy. I have glorious running moments that keep me coming back. I have days when I think running is the best thing that ever happened to me.

But I have given myself permission to run less... well, actually NONE.

Here's the deal:

Running did not get me the body I wanted. Weightlifting is getting me the body I want.
In my current plan, I get 2 steady state cardio sessions per week. I want to do something fun.

I have discovered that I love love LOVE dancing. So I'm taking a Zumba class Thursday nights (The gal who teaches the class I'm taking is AWESOME!) I'm also spending time doing Turbokick and Hip Hop Hustle. I'm getting something from this type of cardio that I don't get from running. I'm not training for anything. I'm not "putting in miles". I'm just having fun.

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Now, I'm not going to be dramatic and say, "I'll never run again!" I may decide to run again. Running will be there when and if I'm ready. I'm cool with that.

Life is too short to do things that aren't fun.

I haz a happee!

Fix You

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When my mom died 7 years ago, my heart was broken. It was not a very long illness, but it was exhausting. She was in hospice for a while, and at one point shortly before she died, it looked like she was well enough to leave hospice but would require the care of a nursing home. Friday I was told I would have to look for a place for her, but by Monday she was gone.

I was traumatized and felt a bit like I was free-falling for a while. I found comfort in the Coldplay song, "Fix You".

"And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?"

I got through it. I got my life back, and I went on to finish my library degree and have two beautiful children. I made it.

But lately I've felt a little lost again. I've been trying, but have been disappointed. Some rejection. Some failures. Some things just aren't working out.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed. 

When you get what you want but not what you need.

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse?"

I've dealt with depression my whole life. My mother had it. I seem to be dealing with another bout these days that's made worse by some of the current circumstances. Working out is one of the things that keeps me sane. It is a release. It is a relief.

You may have seen this video going around the past few days. It features a cover version of the song "Fix You". It's an amazing story, and I encourage you to watch the entire thing:

It has reminded me of the song again.

I'm facing some big choices. They involve big risks. What if I fail? What if it doesn't work?

If you watched the video, you'll see Arthur fell down. Several times, in fact. But he got back up. And he made it.

"And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth."

I am lost right now. I have big decisions to make. But this song just appeared to me. Both the song and the video came along when I really needed them.

So, it may be hard, but I think I will make it.

"Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you."

This is your life...

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"

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I've been going through some stuff. Stuck in a dead end job. Looking for a new one. Feeling frustrated. Needing change.

In my life, I've had the following jobs:
Piano teacher
Preschool music teacher
Church pianist
Accompanist
Graduate assistant
Graduate student
Teaching assistant
Yoga Instructor
Adjunct professor
Group Exercise Coordinator
Gym manager
Group Exercise Instructor
Personal Trainer
Librarian

(I have also waited tables, but I was just awful at that, so I don't count it... much...)

So, it took me a while to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I love being a librarian, but I'm not very valued at my current job. I don't make as much money as the national standard for librarians with two master's degrees.
I loved being a group exercise coordinator, but it wasn't enough money to do just that.
I love teaching group exercise, but can't do it 40 hours a week.

So, I'm thinking, with all these different skills I have, I should be able to do what I love AND feed my family (and maybe even consider paying off the student loan I accrued getting all these skills...)

I would call the place I am now *uncomfortable*. I'm "in between". I don't like it. I'm a control freak. I like to know exactly what I'm going to be doing, when I'm going to be doing it.

But I finished my workout today and was walking back to my office. The song "This is your life" came on.
Here's the song if you don't know it:




And you know, I got a little emotional. The words got to me:

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"

It is. It *is* my life. I don't get another chance. Is this who I want to be?

Part of me feels really lost, but part of me kind of knows who I want to be.

I want to be someone who is remembered for helping other people.
I want to be remembered for making them laugh, making them feel happier, making them feel they can do anything.
I want to be kind. I want to see good in people.
I want to show people they are capable of things they never thought they could do.

So, I know what the right choice is. Is it the choice that's going to make me rich? Probably not. Is it going to mean I might have to have a "job" as well as a "vocation"? Maybe.

But I only have one chance. I'm 38 years old and it's time to decide.